words

As I wonder how I got here, Blank.  I used to be such a vibrant, intelligent, marvelous woman!  It amazes me how what people say, we take as truth.   How do we allow ourselves to take our own value in others opinions, and the words they say label us into a certain box.  I wasted so many years just being his woman, yet never his wife, that was one thing I never was.  I have let him belittle, degrade, and take my entire soul, my desire to even live.  I mean to be told all the time how bad you are, how worthless you are over and over by a doctor, hell he must be right than huh?  How could a doctor tell you something that was opinionated, to just get what he wants.  How could he?? He most certainly did.  I lost my entire persona of who I think I once was anyway.  Right now I don’t and couldn’t tell you who the hell I am.  I am writing this, not for fame or for any type of healing of others, just my own.  I need to get it out.  I need to understand how I gave so much power to 1 man, 1 man who over and over again told me that he didn’t want me!! I didnt listen so its my fault right; I would assume or was it?

Words are such a powerful thing.  The tongue is mightier than the sword. As I think of this phrase now it reels with pain, because for with a sword that wound heals, it will scar over but it heals from the inside out.  words, damaging, defaming words they linger in your mind forever, there is no scarring , no healing only the reeling of those spoken words over and over again.