Body Language

Eyes are shining brightSmile bright as summer skyNo one can dim her lightWho would concede to ask why?Her frame is beginning to thinHer new diet is wonderfulNo one thinks of looking withinWhen on the outside so beautifulHer eyes start to dimEyes still wide and brightCheeks are sinking ThinHer laughter arduous and lightNo one even notices frame is now frailSo many say nothingBut all know the talePain she hid over the yearsNo more tears in her eyesWhen everyone’s worst fearsFlash as composed on the screen”RWG MY SISTER MY FRIEND”Sadly missed by allWe all saw the signsJust no one made that callNow as tears are sweptCasket is lowered inPeople now want to speakAfter the disease already did her in!!! Lost Soul Searching

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Empowering Women

img_1454  One of my core beliefs as a woman is our power to ban together to help each other succeed.  Maturity brings the revelation that we can empower each other in all facets of our lives.  This includes building a network of strong women who together we can all succeed with everyday values.Whether you are a CEO of your own company or a consultant I am going to dedicated a weekly piece of your company and products that you are invested in.  I will take time out to try products of those women that I know, read my blog, or that are interested in getting your name and products out there;   together we can show We can make a difference.If you would be interested in letting me see what you have to offer, what you are working with so to speak; email me at divinesoultarot@gmail.com and let me know what makes you unique, your product(s) the best of the best and if wanted you I can provide an address to send me samples that we can collectively set up a video how to and explain the wonderful benefits of your products.’What better way to show the world how empowering others works then empowering each other through our own channels at hand and create beautiful friendships all awhile with free marketing and advertising. Talk to you soon my beauties,  Lost Soul Searching

Scattered thoughts!!!

My heads pounding

Back pounding in pain

Sinus hurting maybe I’m getting sick

Skin crawling fever heart feels like it’s coming out of my chest

Stupid calming exercises do NOT work!! None of this bullshit works nothing stops my brain too much overload

No way haul my bed nothing I guess I’m worthless that I shouldn’t keep anything I’ve worked for the last 3 fuckkng years because I’m just not good enough he’ll im beyond the value of a ducking f dog!!!!!!!

Sleep in the corner on the floor just because I “won’t” do nothing for you is right words

Yet ppl want me to do things and yet no ducking money no one does anything unless you have money or buy them something or else!!!! Cause lord knows men n pussy they move for some pussy that all the worth that I have is anyway!!!! Money or pussy!!! Pd

But let call ppl make arrangement on what I can’t pay for anyway!!!!

If people knew my thoughts smh not one would talk to me let alone be around me

How many times I had to fight to not just stick a ducking needle full of heroine in my fucking atm cause I know that’s a full proof suicide?!!!!! Lock my doors completely all of them stick the needle and go!!!! Quick and painless!!!! Even google recommends it!!

The times I could’ve done this the times I could’ve just fucking went out w H NOOOOOOOO

I GOTTA HAVE FUCKING super tolerance to opiates

Last night was 230mg I mean how much do I have to fucking take!!!!!!!

Even as I write this I can see the angel to my right corner w lights of glow

In the left I see the shadow!!! I see it waiting on me just not speaking to me!!! I know how crazy I sound

How tf are you suppose to be normal w all these goddamn spirits around all the time

I hate that I can look at a picture and see their demons or malevolent around m

Even the ones I can see the date of their deaths on their foreheads and what the actual numbers mean!!!

Awakening was supposed to be good not a horror!!

Dreams shit I wish I had them back smh

I don’t dream why do I have to when I see all day n night spirits all around

I don’t gotta close my eyes or dream it’s my real fixing life so much for you wont awaken until you’re ready huh!!! This is what I’m supposed to live for???? To be a crazy person

Least the pills slows shit down

I can be just me in silence for a little bit

Wonder if others know that ringing they hear in the quiet is actual spirits speaking but it’s at a frequency that not many can hear it

Looking up I see dimensions upon dimensions

Why am I The only one who can see these

Walking w walls liquified so I can see 2,4 dimensions I didn’t ask for these “gifts”

I didn’t ask to be ducking special

I didn’t asked to be used for men’s human flesh and pleasures

Funny part you think demons are haunting me

Actually they are just making sure I’m not disturbing their plays

I’m right where I’m supposed to be

When I do see though they try telling me back off

I don’t know them and they do

To leave them be and shut up and say nothing

How do I get to see all these things

Yet I’m to be quiet

Why do I have to see shut I do t wanna

You got gary who wants too!!!

People who’d kill for the visions and perspective to look beyond what their eyes actually see

Me, never practiced never learned never tried yet there it is ta mf da!!!!

So now it’s not demons trying to get in my head they can’t!!!!

It’s me trying to no longer see the world for what it really is!!!!

And without any meds at all I see it all clear as day!!!!!!

I may be an addict but at least w the pills I can be normal for just a little while

I stop seeing those I don’t want to who want me to see them

I’ve seen shit you couldn’t imagine

Figure and shapes and melting in front of you that looks like magic but is real!!!

I want to be normal!!!!!

As if that means dying to do so…..then that’ll be

Yet, somehow there’s maybe a tiny hope so I don’t take enough just enough to stop feeling and stop seeing these visions

To least get to sleep

Til I wake again, I’ll get to do this life again

Yet I doubt I ever made it out without death

This is the time I usually bolt on my own terms

So maybe I am not afraid of the consequences because I’ve done this 3x before

Always end up here never any further

Smh yet ppl want me to feel worthy feel love yet they don’t even feel that of me!!!! They see me as dirt, pathetic, as no more then trash itself!!!

So if you can’t see nothing in me

How do you expect me to want more!!!!!!

My lifelong friend

I miss you old friend! We had some best times, you were always there for me through the good and bad even the worst of times!!! When everyone else seemed to gone you was there for me. As I look back on all the celebrations, milestones in my life, sorrow and even down right low times you were always here for me!!! I surely can’t wait to see you again, mi amigo, my confidant, my bff, my padre!!!

We def need to catch us real soon!!! To my partner in crime, my life long friend…..

We been through it all together, teenage years when we weren’t to see each other, high school, wedding, raising my kids, when kids were great, when they made me wanna slap the shit outta them, when I wanted pull my hair out, promotions, birthdays, holidays, even when the world was so cold you always knew how to keep me warm!!!

To you my friend I’ll surely see you again, soon!!!

Alcohol!!!! I’ve called you many things Bud, Budweiser, fireball, wild turkey, wine, drinks, drank, drunk, great times!!!

Love,

Me

Time wasted…

Idk what others think… But what i think when i get to this point is there is no real reason for me to exist. I am just a burden on every body?!! There is no meaning or benefits to my life. Just a few ppl who would be sad for a couple of days if i die and thats not good enough for me to wana live anymore….I haven’t been living in such a long time …then i think but if i keep living alil bit longer each day if I just hold on tomorrow will be diff…..but here I am again all alone….no one really fucking gives a shit….I mean they do in text….they think I want something; give that yet they have so many pressing more important thing to do….can’t be bohered in person….can’t waste time on a waste like me time is important and precious I just am not!!! I think I’m alive for a reason gotta have some purpose….might be the day i find a reason to live so i contradict myself….then I’m reminded all over again I don’t have a purpose….no one really cares enough to show up….just words in vain telling me I have shit to live for….yet cant give 1 reason….nightfall comes and I attempt one last time……to stop breathing!!!!!

They say suicide sends you straight to hell!!! I’ve made that peace because this existence and cycle of pure pain…..I’m already in hell!!!!

Show up!!

I’ve gotta a say something that’s gonna probably piss people off but we know I’m gonna say it anyway!!

Yesterday was one year since one of my life long friends, will passed from an overdose. I didn’t see one memory of him, as I watched I was sure someone would, not 1!

So when you’re telling someone they’ll be missed, that people really do care keep it!!! That’s just y’all so that you don’t feel some kind of guilt or an obligation you think you have! I’m sure at first maybe you feel you will miss them, at the funeral okay maybe but as time goes on people forget!

When I say people don’t give two shits unless you’re doing something for them even making them feel good that’s real as it gets!!!!

I love hearing “don’t do something stupid” “it’s only temporary”. “ things will get better”!!

Just imagine they don’t what if they never get better!!!! Don’t say someone’s not trying I’ve gotta a say something that’s gonna probably piss people off but we know I’m gonna say it anyway!!

Yesterday was one year since will passed from an overdose. I didn’t see one memory of him, as I watched I was sure someone would, not 1!

So when you’re telling someone they’ll be missed, that people really do care keep it!!! That’s just y’all so that you don’t feel some kind of guilt or an obligation you think you have! I’m sure at first maybe you feel you will miss them, at the funeral okay maybe but as time goes on people forget!

When I say people don’t give two shits unless you’re doing something for them even making them feel good that’s real as it gets!!!!

I love hearing “don’t do something stupid” “it’s only temporary”. “ things will get better”!!

Just imagine they don’t what if they never get better!!!! Don’t say someone’s not trying hard enough, not doing something, cause at the end of the day the only person contemplating or planning suicide is the ones w NOTHING, or are at rock bottom and see no way out!! Some think the ones they love are so much better off without them!

You don’t get to judge, especially when you’re no where around or “won’t” even help for fear you might get some reality check into a real life of struggle or hardships!!!!

You especially don’t get to say you tried!!!!! Cause through fb or texting isn’t trying!!!

60% of people who commit suicide die alone!!! That tells me not a single soul could be bothered to even show up!!!! In this life show tf up!!!

Tomorrow isn’t promised and none of us truly know how many times someone’s tried to kill themselves but just hasn’t succeeded yet!!

Just my own thoughts for the day!

Enjoy your day, live your lives, we’ve became a very hedonistic all about my money society that could care less what anyone else is doing, minding our own business while the person next door has a weapon to themselves, knife, gun, needle, pills!

Have a productive day!!!

Go see someone today or at least call your friends that you know may need anything!!! You’re voice or hug could be just what stops them!!! At least for another day!!!hard enough, not doing something, cause at the end of the day the only person contemplating or planning suicide is the ones w NOTHING, or are at rock bottom and see no way out!! Some think the ones they love are so much better off without them!

You don’t get to judge, especially when you’re no where around or “won’t” even help for fear you might get some reality check into a real life of struggle or hardships!!!!

You especially don’t get to say you tried!!!!! Cause through fb or texting isn’t trying!!!

60% of people who commit suicide die alone!!! That tells me not a single soul could be bothered to even show up!!!! In this life show tf up!!!

Tomorrow isn’t promised and none of us truly know how many times someone’s tried to kill themselves but just hasn’t succeeded yet!!

Just my own thoughts for the day!

Enjoy your day, live your lives, we’ve became a very hedonistic all about my money society that could care less what anyone else is doing, minding our own business while the person next door has a weapon to themselves, knife, gun, needle, pills!

Have a productive day!!!

Go see someone today or at least call your friends that you know may need anything!!! You’re voice or hug could be just what stops them!!! At least for another day!!!

Like a prayer(ending)

Life is a mystery
Everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home
When you call my name, it’s like a little prayer
I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour, I can feel your power
Just like a prayer, you know I’ll take you there
I hear your voice, it’s like an angel sighing
I have no choice, I hear your voice, feels like flying
I close my eyes, oh God, I think I’m falling out of the sky
I close my eyes, heaven help me
When you call my name, it’s like a little prayer
I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour, I can feel your power
Just like a prayer, you know I’ll take you there
Like a child, you whisper softly to me
You’re in control just like a child, now I’m dancing
It’s like a dream, no end and no beginning
You’re here with me, it’s like a dream
Let the choir sing
When you call my name, it’s like a little prayer
I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour, I can feel your power
Just like a prayer, you know I’ll take you there
When you call my name, it’s like a little prayer
I’m down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour, I can feel your power
Just like a prayer, you know I’ll take you there
Life is a mystery
Everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home
Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there
Just like a muse to me, you are a mystery
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem
Just like a prayer, no choice, your voice can take me there
Just like a prayer, I’ll take you there
It’s like a dream to me
Just like a prayer, I’ll take you there
It’s like a dream to me
Just like a prayer, I’ll take you there
It’s like a dream to me
Just like a prayer, I’ll take you there
It’s like a dream to me
Life is a mystery
Everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home
Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there
Just like a muse to me, you are a mystery
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem
Just like a prayer, no choice, your voice can take me there
(Just like a prayer, your voice can take me there)
Just like a dream, you are not what you seem
Just like a prayer, no choice, your voice can take me there
by Madonna